


All or nothing

by Ashinami



Series: Glory to us all [1]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Description of fights, Discipline, Doriath, First Age, Hard training and pain, Horseback Riding, Horses, Loyalty, Military, Military Training, No Romance, Oropher's soldiers - Freeform, Training, Weapon Mastery, believing in yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-12 13:38:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15341019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashinami/pseuds/Ashinami
Summary: "We were legends" universe.It's not needed to read "Champion's dawn", but surely it will help in understanding the relations betwen certain elves.A short story about Saida (OFC) who is a soldier in Oropher's division. Where did she come from and how did she become Oropher's soldier? How well Saida managed the trails that the old soldiers presented her? Every challenge she was faced with had a reason and in her time, Saida understood what she needed to do.





	1. Have at it!

Saida grew up in warm regions of the forest of Region. She loved to swim in nearby lake with her friends – they always came back home all soaked and their parents send them off to sleep in the wooden tree house instead of their respective homes. Not that they took it as a punishment and even their parent knew it was not supposed to be one.

Their settlement was quite a big one – they even had a large stable for all the horses that were in the village and ther was one wooden cot to gather their grains and reserves for winter. Saida often helped with cleaning the stable and taking care of the horses and when she grew up she helped with gathering wood from the forest – they took one of their two huge, heavy horses that was able to drag heavy trunks and Saida was the one to lead the horse back and forth, while the wood-cutters prepared another trunks.

Her mother was a herbalist and her father worked the leather and animal hides. Both of them were pretty skilled hunters as well, and they taught Saida how to use a bow and place traps. Saida loved them like nobody else – they were the closest family she had. She knew her mother's kin lived in the settlement in the forest of Neldoreth and beside them, Saida knew only her aunt - her mother's sister who lived in the same settlement as they did. Her father never spoke of his family and Saida never pressed this matter.

When Saida grew up she didn't really found a place for herself. Every one of her friends had a profession – one was a woodworker, another was a professional hunter, one of her friends was a wonderful mother and had a loving home with her husband, another friend was a fishermen. But Saida was a bit of everything and she was able to help everywhere – truth be told she did what needed to be done or where there was not enough elves to work. And Saida never backed away from anything she was asked to do.

Life in her settlement was truly peaceful. Idyllic views were magnificent and Saida loved to rest on her hammock listening to the sounds of the forest. But rest was only possible when the work was done – never earlier and never too late. They didn't have much problems with wolves although they bred a lot in the forest of Region, but their hunters were skilled in driving them away. Besides their brave dogs kept the wolves at bay - if anything any clashes happened during winter when there was not many animals to prey on and wolves approached their settlement hoping to find any easy food.

But one time in the middle of summer, Saida decided to turn her life upside down. And she did that on her own.

To their settlement arived few riders under the banner of the Wolf. They were soldiers of Menegroth – the great city build underground. Saida had never been in the Caves, but those elves who had been there spoke of it with awe. Saida focused on the words the riders spoke – they said that the great army of Doriath extended their ranks and anyone who wanted to join would pass by the basic training and become a soldier under one of three Banners.

'New divisions of archers and swordsmen are created. Everyone is welcome to join.' the rider said. 'You may either ride with us to Menegroth or arrive to the city later, on your own. The training for new recruits begins at the beginning of Autumn.'

Her decision was impulsive, which was truly rare for her. But she had this weird felling in her guts that this was a path she should follow. Out of her settlement, only Saida declared as a volounteer and she agreed to come with the soldiers immediately.

The hardest thing was not hastily gathering her belongings and her beloved small things that gave her luck, she quickly took her bow with quiver and a dagger and hastily got them on her back and waist. She took few of her clothes and one more pair of shoes – all of this she placed in a large bag. But truly hardest thing was saying goodbye to her parents – they didn't really tried to stop her, she was grown up elleth and she did what she believed was the best for her. Her father kissed her heartily, her mother as well – they gave her one of their two horses for the travel and a bag of coins. Saida even shed few tears when she embraced them both one more time before leaving. Then she jumped on her piebald horse and held a bag in front of her – she didn't take away a saddle with her. They could not afford many of those and her parents would surely get another horse for themselves and they will need this saddle. In comparison to the riders of Menegroth this looked a bit miserbale. Even her horse paled when compared with the muscled military steed.

She waved her parents a goodbye and she moved on entirely new path she created for herself. Saida knew she will miss her home and beloved parents, but she knew she will visit them as often as she possibly could.

Beside her, few other elves from other settlements decided to begin immediately their new duty. When they arrived to Menegroth, Saida stared with wide eyes as the Great Gate slowly opened before them. They entered the deep Caves with no hesistancy and those same elves that brought them here showed them their places to stay in. Commonly, those were called baracks, but truly they were rather comfy huge cottages, just that many elves could live there. Saida got pretty accomodated immediately and as the time went on the baracks began to be more and more full.

Basic training flied past immediately and Saida didn't even know when. They were trained with sword mastery, archery, dagger handling. All of them worked out hard and Saida improved her condition visibly. Commanders were strict, harsh and demanded a lot – just like Saida imagined being in the army. But at that time she had little concept of what it truly meant be a full time soldier, dedicated to her duty and people she had to protect.

After the training they splited them into divisions – smaller groups within a single regiment. Typically, there were around thirty divisions in the regiment and every division had their own lieutenant who reported to the lower ranking officer. They were one of the few divisionss their officer was leading.

Saida was the best soldier in her division - she could even defeat Seron, the leader of her team. None of her fellow soldiers could beat her.

She knew it should have been her to lead the division, but when it formed she kept quiet to not gain attention, which was her mistake. Second one was doing what she was ordered without showing off her skills. Third one was not giving her own initiative. She could not blame anyone but herself that she was not chosen as a leader.

Since then Saida grew up and she understood well that no one will give her anything on their own and she needed to fight for it. She acknowledged her mistakes – her lack of determination and resolutness. Since then she worked hard, pushing and shoving everyone aside to get her voice heard. Right now, Saida often helped Seron with reports and taking care of their division. She was good at it and everyone knew it - soldiers listened to her with no objections, she proved to be resourceful and handled the warriors well.

Seron appreciated her work and Saida enjoyed working with him - they met during the basic training in the army and she quickly joined him and the elves who would later be her division. Back during those days, she was quick to join anyone. Who other would want her?, she asked herself.

Seron once said to her that she should be in a division of some officer, who held the lead of few divisions within a regiment. He said that he would recommend her if he will have such a chance, but this chance seemed to never come or she was not good enough to catch an interest of any officer. And sometimest this quiet voice would say: Are you truly that surprised that no one wants you? You are not that good, take what you have and be grateful.

But she knew she can be something more. Someone more. She didn't leave her home for nothing, to be kept within the walls of Menegroth. Saida knew that if someone would care to give her a chance she would take it, she would prove what she can do. She just needed this chance!

But opportunites always passed by her division. Saida didn't know if those were commanders who thought her team to not be good enough or if it was Seron who prefered this stable vegetation in his ranks - they had not many responsibilities. Truly, their orders concerned mostly carting corns and beetroots for horses or helping in wood delivery. Nothing to be ashamed of - someone needed to do such a thing and it was a work like many others in Menegroth and this was a work that needed to be done nonetheless. But this was what Saida was doing for almost all her life and in her new life she wished for something else entirely.

Saida was no longer a quiet one she used to be in youth or even at the beginning of her training. She grew up from it and overcame it for her own good, or so she was telling herself. She learned to speak her mind aloud, she learned to get her voice heard. It was hard for her and such openess and resolution didn't suit her. At first, when Saida began to speak aloud among large groups she felt her hands shaking, which she tried to hide as best as she could. Saida spoke only when she wanted to add something to discussion and most of the times her words and ideas were taken well, which improved her confidence.

Saida and her division was a part a swordsmen regiment under Wolverine Banner. They were lead by Nelledir, the high ranking officer who was a part of General's personal division - Nelledir reported and answered only to him and the General of the Wolverines was known for his harshness and high demands. He required the best from his soldiers and every soldier of his banner needed to show more than decend skills in handling weapons. And the officers made sure that his order was carried through.

'Saida, get everyone ready!'

Startled, she looked up at Seron, who gathered things from his bedding. Currently, they stationed in the baracs - many of the soldiers lived in the settlements outside Menegroth and they didn't have a place to live in the city. Saida was one of those - her family lived in the forest of Region, much too far to travel back and forth for her duty.

'What happened?' she asked getting up from her bedding.

'The officers wish to see regiments of swordsmen! We better get moving if we don't want to be late!'

'They should say much earlier about such things.' Mael muttered above her. Ther shared a two-storey bed and she chose the bedding on the lower level. Mael arrived not long ago wishing to have a little rest or even take a nap, but truly Saida doubted he did anything productive to deserve it.

'Shut up and take your stuff!' she hit him with a pillow and grabbed her own things.

'Alright!' Mael growled not comforted at all by leaving his own bedding.

Saida left the barack and managed to find the rest of the division. They were quite large grup, counting fifteen soldiers, where a typical division counted around ten or even less. She waited with Seron until all of them will get their outfits and weapons and then they headed towards the fields where visitation will take place. As Seron said before, all three regiments of swordsmen were gathering there, but since the order was given suddenly they were all on foot, without their horses.

Seron saw to it that they presented themselves efficiently and placed them in two rows. Two officers, Nelledir and Alagos, were already present there, speaking with lower ranking officers, but they were enough distance away that Saida could not hear them. The fields were almost full with soldiers and regiments arrived prepared and ready for visitation. The question why all three regiments had to be presented soon was blown away when their General arrived with the rest of his own division.

Their presence was overwhelming, especially for those who have not saw the officers many times and was not used to their presence. Taranir, the second in command, scanned the ranks with cold iron of his eyes and Saida despite herself swallowed – his eyes were truly in the colour of steel. Without a doubt Taranir was a born commander - tall with straight back and with duty burned in his eyes. Few would dare to stand against him. Saida kept staring, tracking every step of her commanders. After Taranir came Orthon – the most vicous warrior in all of Menegroth, stronger than any average elf and some say that even more cruel. Stories about this elf were sometimes hard to believe and Saida preferred to think about them as just anecdotes, but surely, Orthon was not the warrior to be meddled with. Out of them all only officer Faron seemed easy enough to approach and Saida knew soldiers, who actually did what she just thought of - any report that needed to be presented to higher ranking officer was heard by no one other but Faron.

General Oropher had his hair gathered into ponytail, simply braided only on sides. Orhton was said to loose a duel only to one elf – to Oropher, but Saida didn't know if this was truth or just another story. Oropher stopped before them and Nelledir with Alagos stood on his both sides speaking their reports. Numbers of divisions, grade of armature and weapons, level of training and possible upskills of certain divisions - Saida was sure her own was not counted among this group.

Oropher was not only a soldier and their General. He was a member of House Elmo – he was a Prince of Doriath and the only son of the Head Councillor to the King, Erthor Elmoion. He was nothing like his father, many said and even more wondered from whom he inherited such flaming temper. They said he can be even greater than Galadhon Elmoion, the legendary Commander who with Prime General Mablug led the warriors of Doriath during the First Battle. Oropher was known for his rigour and fierceness - many avoided his anger, some even feared it. He was said to calm during long centuries and if this was indeed truth than Saida didn't want to imagine being under his Banner those centuries ago. There were stories told here and there from the times when Oropher was a troop soldiers just like them and as with Orthon, Saida was not sure to believe heartily in any of those.

Oropher moved from his place to enter the rows of soldiers and Saida felt the warriors near her congeal like statues. Probably they wished to stop breathing rather than get General's attention on themselves.

'Lieutenant Rivalt and his division of eleven.'

Saida heard officer Nelledir present a nearby team and the soldiers saluted before their commanders. She was sure more than few teams will be chosen for upskill training, some will be delegated to train with divisions from other regiments and only few will remain as they were and Saida was sure her division will be in those few. She wished her division was good enough to catch the attention of the officers.

'Lieutenant Malfind and his division of nine.'

'Lieutenant Lanc and her division of eleven.'

'Lieutenant Fingaer and his division of twelve.'

Alagos and Nelledir kept calling out the leaders, but Oropher kept his silence. It was hard to read him, but for some reason Saida knew he was not pleased. His eyes only scanned briefly the lieutenants, considering them, but he was not satisfied with what he saw.

They continued their inspection and silence in the ranks was only interrupted by soldiers training on the other fields and horses neighting in the stables. Orthon stared on the whole military fields with arms crossed on chest. He was the tallest elf Saida ever saw in her life and she was sure his strength matched his body. He was not someone Saida would want to fight with. Faron stood near Orthon with hands clasped on his back and he spoke with Taranir quietly.

Soldiers around her congealed anew when officers passed by them again, going back at the head of the ranks.

'How about those last two? I am sure one of them would fit to our division.'

'No. I prefer to wait rather that choose a soldier who won't meet my expectations.'

'As you wish.'

When officers went back where they started their inspection, lower ranking officers started to read aloud divisions and their knew placements. But Saida listened to none of this, she knew her division won't be chosen for anything.

She felt a shiver go down her spine. The inspection had more than one purpose – General was looking for a soldier to join his team. His own personal division, who performed duties with him. This was an honour anyone could wish for, while many never dared to even dream of it. Their team was one of the best in whole army of Menegroth – they were strong as a team, like an iron wall no one would cross and singly they were swift and deadly, more than practiced in weapon mastery.

What an honour it would be. All those chances that Saida had missed or that were taken from her now faded and turned pale before the occasion she had now. It was one of a kind, one like no other. Saida was sure nothing like this will ever happen again.

But how could she? This was ridiculous! How could she even allow such a thought to flourish?

Few division were ordered to muster immediately for training, but many were dismissed to come back to their previous duties or get their rest. The fields began to slowly empty, but Saida stood were she did and moment by moment she felt fear and doubt overwhelming her courage. If she would follow Seron and her division she knew she won't turn back again, but follow them blidly. Before that happened, before the last spark of her bravery dimmed out she moved from her place. Her feet were heavy all of sudden and she felt her body shaking. Her whole body shook clearly overwhelmed by her feelings, by what she was doing now.

General stood with his back turned from leaving soldiers and he was rounded by his officers. They spoke freely, discussing next steps and orders for three regiments. It was now Taranir who spoke, explaining arrays he made and what divisions will train together master them. Saida was close enough to hear the second in command clearly. She glanced from one officer to another, suddenly feeling impossibly small among them. Saida never spoke to any of them, she rarely even spoke with the officer Seron reported to. As Saida glanced through them, a shiver went down her spine when she met a pair of unwelcoming golden eyes. Orthon stared at her, not threateningly, but he obsered her every move and Saida could not stand the strength in his eyes. She quickly turned her eyes away only to gaze into blue eyes boring sharply in her. Nelledir observed her as well, vigilant as ever and Saida felt her knees weaken, but she walked still towards them and stopped only when she though distance to be enough.

If two wolves spotted the prey the whole pack backed them up. Faron precisly considered her and Taranir turned his steel eyes to look at her as well. Only Alagos seemed to peer at her curiously from behind. And now all of them looked at her awaiting her words, but her words were meant for none of them.

'What is it?'

Oropher turned to her with arms crossed on chest. His green eyes were like spring in forests of Doriath, like well known grasslands in the forest of Region - it was well known wilderness of her home. And there was impatience. After all, she interrupted their discussion and Saida knew she will do well to speak her mind quickly.

'General!' Saida saluted and she felt her confidence rise up when she realized her voice have not shook even one bit. There was no need to explain herself why she approached him. There was even no time for it! Saida knew she needed to say her request straight forward. 'Allow me to become one of your soldiers!'

They were silent. All of them. There was no laugh, there were no mocking smiles on their faces. They stared at her taking her in all seriousness and Saida began to wonder if it was not even worse - now she had to face the consequences of her request.

Saida swallowed trying to hold the crushing glance of her commander. Oropher clearly considered her and she could read nothing from the jade green of his eyes. Saida though she tought herself how to handle much stronger personalities – she had to face them everyday in the army. She didn't learn this - Saida had no one to learn this from, she had to teach it by herself, but standing before them proved to be experience like no other. They said Oropher's division was one of a kind and now Saida knew what they meant.

Run! Treacherous voice shouted at her, but she threw it away. She stood before them like a hare under hawks and she waited. Her heart beated so loudly she was sure they heard it.

Saida watched Oropher turning away and her heart dropped. He said nothing. And this silence was even worse than a laugh she imagined not long ago. She would very much preferred to be laughed at or even chased away rather than be ignored like this.

'Faron.' Oropher called his soldier shortly and Saida looked at him feeling her throat tighten.

Faron moved after his commander, briefly catching sight of her. Then he tilted his head showing her to follow them - she didn't know if he did that out of kindness, but she was grateful nonetheless. In the state she was in, she wouldn't have ever guessed to follow Oropher.

With renewed hope she swallowed to get rid of treacherous bump that started to form in her throat. She followed Oropher and Faron, walking through remaining officers. Saida prevented smile from entering her face. Now, she just needed to prove she was able to fight as well as they did. She needed to show she can be much better than she was now. Saida will endure everything - she worked out hard, she trained everyday, she knew how to give orders. She will show them what she was made of!

Faron and Oropher spoke quietly in front of her. Faron had his long beautiful bow on back and quiver at waist. Oropher's sword impressed even when it was sheeted. If Faron was with them then maybe Oropher wished to test her archery. Saida's eyes flashed. She was a very good archer, in this she had a chance to impress them.

To her surprise they entered not the training fields or even archery range. They entered one of the many stables that were placed in the military area. Horses sticked out their heads immediately, to see who was coming. Few reached out wishing to get a treat or a simple pat on the nose, but they moved on almost half-way through the building before Oropher finally stopped.

'This is Niphredil. She is not gentled yet.' Oropher said when a white horse peered from the wooden stall and perked ears at them clearly interested about the agitation around her. Oropher approached the mare and smoothered her neck and then he turned to Saida. 'Your job is to train her into military working horse. You have time till the end of summer and then Faron will ride her and check how good was she is. If he will be content with your work then we will think of your training.'

'Yes, Sir!' she saluted and Oropher nodded to her then turned his attention back at the horse.

'What is your division?' Faron asked glancing at her with arms crossed.

'Twenty fifth division under the lead of lieutenant Seron in the regiment of officer Nelledir, Sir!'

'Be sure to take care of your other duties.' Faron said and then he glanced at Oropher before they both walked away, leaving her in the stable alone.

Saida watched them leave before she finally approached the mare who was still sticking out her head. The horse was good-tempered and wished for contact with any elf that approached her. This was a good sign.

Well then, she was supposed to train a horse. This was not what Saida expected, but it was not so bad after all. Saida was pretty handy as it went to horses. She liked very much those animals and she was a good rider herself, not once gentling a young foal back at her home in the forest of Region. She did it either for herself or others and everyone was pleased with the work she had done. Her horses always worked eagerly and listened to their rider. Saida patted Niphredil's neck confident in the task she was given.

Then a dreadful shivers passed by her as she anylysed the words of the General once more. Niphredil was to be trained for a military working horse and Saida had not idea what type of training that meant. She had no idea what elements she should train, how fast the horse should respond to rider's demands, should she train the horse at the archery range as well, how high the horse must be able to jump, what type of obstacles the horse need to know, she never trained a horse to get used to weapons, she needed to get a saddle for Niphredil, she must train the horse to move in arrays, at what pace a horse like this should be moving with?

Now that Saida looked at it, she felt about digging a deep hole for herself. She would molder there and never come out again.

Saida opened the stall and invited Niphredil to come out, but the horse didn't seem to really know what she wanted and the mare perked ears at her, interested that something was happening around her. And Saida wondered if this horse was even tought to follow the rider.

Saida sighted and gathered a light lariat to train the mare in the basic of the basics. Wearisome work had just begun and the time was known to pass unrelently.


	2. Win or die

All of her free time Saida spent on the work out, testing herself againt other soldiers, practicing archery and watching professional trainers taking care of the horses.

Saida quickly figured out that if she was to succeed in the task she was given, she needed to get a well grip on herself and gather information. She abadoned the idea about digging a hole for herself. At least for now.

Saida tried to speak with her fellow soldiers mostly during the time they spared, but they really shrugged their shoulders describing how their own horse behaved. Then discussion went on how the horses were trained in any of their settlements. It was not something Saida was looking for.

She tried to chat with elves working near the stables, but they had hands full of work - each time their talk started to be progressive they needed to go and Saida didn't want to stop them. They had work to do and Saida understood that like nobody else. She didn't even try to start any conversation with horse trainers - everytime Saida saw one of them they walked back and forth asking to bring another horse for training. Soon, Saida understood that she was on her own with all of this and the best she could do was to gather information by herself.

Right now she stared at beautiful chestnut stallion - bad tempered like no other. Mean and dominant towards other horses, but highly responsive to the rider. While it was interesting to watch, it was not something that would be absolutely neccessary to train Niphredil. Saida was short in time and she needed to gather information selectively and decide what was most important.

She walked by to another field to gaze at few more working horses. Palomino stallion jumped freely through high obstacles placed one after the other. Behind him a brown mare trained her gallop and near her another mare just halted from fast gallop.

Saida watched closely and gained what she wanted. She was not sure what this was about, but if the General wanted to test her in a such a thing, she will do as he wished. Saida stood near the field and observed, patiently studying every step of the horse and trainer's gesture. She learned and remembered and later she tried to get this work with Niphredil.

The white mare was a calm horse, but not really bright. And she loved to get herself dirty. Saida tought the horse to follow her and stay calm during basic grooming - she even tought her to stand still as the smith took care of her hooves. But since Saida was was on her own with everything, she also handled Niphredil's hooves by herself - they were not in bad condition, but needed improving.

Also, she talked here and there, asked few elves around the stable and she managed to get a saddle. It was an old leather one, surely beautiful in its days of glory, but now it looked miserable and dirty. Saida took it without a grimace, cleaned it, sewed where it was needed, even changed few leather pieces - and the saddle looked definately more presentable. It was also quite comfy, but too big for Niphredil and Saida had to place a blanket under it to not harm the mare.

As she made Niphredil familiar with the saddle, Saida recalled her home. She often conversed with her parents - there was a falconry where every soldier could send a message to their family. Her parents never failed to write back. They told her of the seasons that passed since she was away. They were doing well and they needed nothing more that hey had now - they had clean clothes and well made shoes, new weapons, house with firm roof, wood to make a fire and plenty of food including the one gathered for winter. She kept asking them if she should send them any coins, she even told them she will come back home if the winter will be too harsh for them, but her parents refused everytime. They asked her about her well-being and what were her duties in the army. And she told them of Seron and lazy Mael, how many new elves she had met and how many new things she had learned. She was probably much more skilled now than any hunter in their settlement!

Saida also exchanged messaged with Elvedui – her best friend from childhood times. Elvedui had the most fair chestnut hair she ever saw in elf. Her long tresses fell in waves down her back and dark blue eyes always shone with kindness. Saida loved to watch her – Elvedui was a gracefull elleth, her every move was balanced and almost dance-like.

Elvedui bonded with the elf they both new, who was as well their childhood friend. Rimeth was a loving husband and they buildt a wonderful home for themselves, they had two elflings that were their whole world. Saida stepped away from their hapiness, but her friendship with Elvedui remained.

She wrote something that a bit hurted Saida. Many their childhood friends shook their head as they remembered her. They didn't believe in her success, sometimes even laughing that she was too ashamed to come back beaten and defeated and lived in another settlement. That the great city of Menegroth devoured her whole and trampled to mash.

But Elvedui always said that those were the words of those spiteful ones. Many of them hoped she found what she wished for and that Saida was happy. For Elvedui this was of most importance – her happiness and Saida's heart always warmed as she imagined beautiful Elvedui and her kind heart.

But Saida didn't told any of them about the challenge she was facing now – not her parents and not Elvedui. Saida kept it to herself. She even tried to keep it away from Seron, but then she chastened herself for it. It was not fair to not share this significant information with her lieutenant. She approached Seron about it, when it was most convenient and one time she noticed Seron alone in front of their barack. He was sharpening his sword in solitude when Saida approached him.

'Seron, do you have a moment?'

He looked up at her and nodded, making a place for her at the wooden bench and Saida knew she can talk to him without prompting.

'I am training to join another division.' she said not looking at him, instead she gazed into the ground.

'I should have axpected that. Sooner or later.' Seron said placing the whetstone away and he smiled to her. 'Good for you.'

'This is nothing certain.' Saida said as she faced him finally. For some reason she felt she needed to explain herself. 'They have not accepted me yet and I don't know if they will.'

'Seems like a trial to me.' Seron smiled again. 'Who are you trying to join to?'

'I-' Saida stumbled, knowing that she couldn't tell anyone that she was trying to join the division of the Wolverines General. 'I don't think I can tell you that. You know...I am not really in their team, yet.'

'It's alright.' Seron laughed. 'I hope you will manage. You deserve a chance to grow better than you are now.'

Saida knew she deserved that chance, but she felt guilty about even thinking of leaving her division. After all, Saida helped it grow, she did all she could to make them better soldiers and she succeeded - it comparison to what they had been, right now they were well composed warriors, responsible for their actions and dedicated to carry through their orders.

It was the middle of summer and Saida bonded with Niphredil as a trainer should. The mare became more brave with their every training and she also proved to be wiser than Saida first thought of her. She quickly accustomed with a rider and soon learned to respond to basic demands- both verbal and non-verbal. The mare was also a good jumper, but she was impossibly slow and every try to lenghten her pace was fruitless. And she often triped over. There was a lot of work to do and time run short.

Niphredil proved to be afraid of a sound of loosened arrow and she spooked when Saida swinged a sword above her head. First time she did that, Saida was actually afraid she will fall off – Niphredil springed away like a sudden wind and only after a while Saida managed to calm her down.

Luck was on her side, though. Her division didn't get many responsibilities and wood will start to be gathered at the beginning of autumn. That's when their work will began and by then Saida will be done with horse training. She still came to the fields and observed the trainers - she needed to develop Niphredil's muscles and make her more reflexive. Saida noticed few exercices that she could use and she did just that - next trainings were focused on streching, turns and sudden halts.

When Niphredil made a full track without triping over and spooking, Saida was proud beyond measure. She embraced horses neck while still sitting oh her back and she remained like that for a while. Everything started to fall into place. Saida actually arrived later to the falconry and send a message to her parent and Elvedui to share with them how proud she was with herself and how good work she had done.

Since she told Seron that she was training for another division, it was hard to keep it away from another members of her team. They were not surprised, most of them felt like Seron and wished her well. Only few of them were as spiteful as her old childhood friends. Saida tried to not get manipulated, but despite what she did her guilt only grew. But then a message from Elvedui arrived and her words gave her strenght once more. Saida was determined in her task that the General gave her and she knew she would succeed.

The horse was almost ready. She just needed to train a bit more on the archery range and try to fasten mare's pace a bit, but Saida kept telling herself that she did a really good job. Niphredil didn't spook so much anymore - Saida used to take her in the most noisy parts of the military area and stood there making the horse accustomed to the sounds of working forges, loud talking elves, bickering horses and training soldiers. The mare was well taken care of and Saida knew she can be proud of herself.

Summer ended as fast as she imagined. The first contellation announcing Autumn graced the sky and Saida left the baracks much earlier to prepare Niphredil for a possible presentation. The General said that she had time till the end of summer which meant that she could expect the commader to arrive any moment.

The mare was dirty as always and Saida swiftly gathered bucket with water and a cloth and began to polish the horse so the mare would gleam with pure whiteness. She did the job fast - the horse was now all wet and could not be ridden like this so Saida took Niphredil outside of the stable and let graze on a bit of grass that was around. And while the horse dried, Saida untangled the tail and mane and took any pieces of hay that stucked in the hair.

The horse was prepared - dry and beautiful as it rarely happened with such white horse. Even Saida calmed herself and mentally prepared to face the commanders, but Changes passed by and they have not appeared. Saida was hesitant to let Niphredil into her dirty stall, so she took out the old cover, cleaned the floor as much as she could and got a new, clean hay to the mare's stall. Niphredil was clearly pleased about this and immediately focused on eating the scented fresh hay.

Saida wandered backed and forth through the stable watching the horses. Not may elves showed up here and most of the horses were very young ones like Niphredil. Few stallions were here as well and Saida assumed that they were held to sire more foals.

The more time had passed the more nervous Saida became. She didn't know if the officers did that on purpose or they just forgot that they were supposed to check her work. Who would remember? They probably ordered her to train the horse for fun, to get rid of her. What was she thinking, that she took that task in all seriousness? How could she expect them to even consider accepting her into their division? Oropher gathered the best and the most fierce warriors Menegroth had ever seen. Saida was none of them. There was no place for her among them.

Sudden footsteps made Saida tense and she turned immediately to face the entrance.

The General appread with his officer on side. They were serious as always and most importantly they remembered - they didn't throw their words for the wind to carry away and they didn't ease off for anyone.

Saida approached them with heart hammering in chest. She didn't check on the mare and she hoped the horse was as clean as she left her moments ago. Saida hoped Niphredil will have one of her best days, that she will be eager to cooperate, that she will show initiative and not slack around like she often used to do. Saida hoped for so many things right now.

'General-!' she saluted, but Oropher looked briefly at her, not acknowledging her greeting and he tilted head towards the mare.

'Take the horse.' he simply said, but the words were not directed to her.

Faron opened the stall, lead out the mare and immediately took her away. They asked about nothing - how the horse behaved, if she had any problems with training. Saida noticed that the officer didn't take the saddle she worked so hard on and which was even harder to get. She had no idea if she should take it or not. She glanced at the saddle and then at leaving officers, but they were too far away to ask them about it. Saida decided to leave it and quickly followed her commanders, running a bit to catch them up.

Oropher kept himself on the other side of the mare and watched her walking beside Faron. Saida didn't know what he saw, she didn't even know what he was looking for. When they arrived to the fields Faron stopped the mare and they both looked at her talking quietly and pointing few things with tilts of heads. Saida kept herself away, outside of the field and then she realized that she had never trained Niphredil on this field before. Her heart gripped, knowing how timid the mare was, but on the other hand she knew she trained her well to not be so spooky anymore.

Faron jumped on the horse and immediately began the training he planned for today. He began with a short warm up and Saida watched them with heart jumping up and down her throat. Saida never rode Niphredil without a saddle. She didn't know it was required. With hammering heart she watched Faron and Niphredil, from time to time glancing on Oropher, but the officers were both impasive, betraying none of their thoughts and Oropher was turned from her so Saida saw only his back. Never once he turned to look at her focused entirely on his officer in front of him.

And Niphredil was slow. Saida saw it clearly. Her croup was not muscled enough and she cumbered on sharp turnes or rather she was not able to do them, always making such a turn into circled one and loosing precious time. The mare tripped over on the obstacle, but boldly crossed the small puddle. She was not afraid of a scary looking trunk in the middle, neither she was afraid to gallop though the small bushes that whished when she passed through them.

Finally, Faron trotted to the General and stopped before him. They spoke quietly and Saida observed the officer closely. Faron remained serious, there was no smile on his face, but neither he grimaced in total rebuff. He patted Niphredil, who stood in place obediently and calmly, but not sleepily. The mare held her head up and perked ears all around, still mindful if her rider wanted anything from her. And Saida felt a spark of hope burn inside her.

Then Oropher turned to her and a lightning striked Saida here and then. He bid her to come closer and she did that immediately, without a thought. Faron stared down at her as well from Niphredil's back and Oropher bore into her his sharp gaze.

'Decent.'

Saida almost choked on her breath. She trained Niphredil...entirely on her own. With no knowledge of what she should do, she received no help, there was no one to guide her! The saddle she acquired and made into use was not even noticed. The hooves she taken care of! All her observations, exercises and own ideas for training, the bond she had with Niphredil, Saida told herself how well she had performed all those tasks. Saida was so proud of herself and happy that the horse turned out to be so well trained.

Decent. That's what the General though of her work.

'Or rather torelable.' Faron added his own opinion which felt like a second sword pierced through her. On the other hand, what did she expect, that they would fall in delight?

'Exactly. That's a good word.' Oropher agreed with his officer and he smoothered Niphredil's neck. He continued, but his words were not directed to her anymore. 'But I think she is good enough, don't you think?'

'The best out of those we examined.' Faron said playing with horse's long mane. 'She is not tall, not fast, well-tempered and beautiful. A perfect horse for a princess.'

Saida stared at them wide eyed, not believeing what she was hearing. She imagined she lacked only open mouth to be considered cought completly off guard. She trained Niphredil to work hard, to perform her brave duty with a soldier. This horse was ready to face anything.

She waited for them to end their short conversation before she dared to speak. She was not even sure she was supposed to talk at all.

'General, does it mean-' Saida spoke quietly, surprising even herself that she actually get the words from herself. She sounded with a bit of disbelief, although she tried to not sound like it. 'Does it mean she won't serve in the army?'

Oropher almost snorted with laughter and Faron smiled shaking his head. Was it really that funny?

'Of course not.' Oropher said. 'My aunt's niece is grown enough to have her own horse, but she is a bit afraid of those animals. All of them are too tall or not calm enough, but Niphredil will be perfect for kind Estelil, they are both so gentle. And Estelil will present herself wonderfully on mare's back.'

'As a Lady should.' Faron said and he jumped off the horse and patted her saying few calming words.

Saida didn't know if she should be happy or rather humiliated. All her hard work was decent enough to present a horse as a gift for some Lady. Not only she was breaking her back during the summer by working hard like a bullock, but she probably made the dirty work for someone else. Truly, what was even the point of all of this?

'Yes, Estelil will be in love with this horse.' Oropher said smiling with content as he bid the horse to rise head a bit. 'And my aunt Arradis will be more than happy as well. I know she loves her niece very much.'

'This is why you are doing this, are you not?' Faron laughed and Oropher returned his smile.

'Arradis was always kind to me. If I can get this particular burden off her shoulders, I will.' he said and then he turned to Saida. His smiled disapeared within a single moment. 'Take the horse. And report for your training at next Change.'

With those words Oropher and Faron left her. They left in clearly good moods, but Saida felt like a dried up leaf. Report for training. Saida passed the test. Then why she didn't feel like it? It's more as if she was trampled to the ground. Brutally, without a second thoughts. Maybe they just played with her. Maybe this was all a joke and only Saida didn't know about it.

Saida stared after leaving commanders, not truly knowing what she expected to get from them. A little...praise? A simple pat on the back?

Her worst enemy, she created herself in mind laughed aloud at her. Not here little girl. Not here.


	3. Broken, but not yet defeated

Saida took care of the horse and came back to her barack all shivery. She was in luck that nobody noticed or else they could think that something happened to her.

She washed her face with cool water and breathed deeply easing herself. It was of no matter what they thought, what anyone thought. Step by step, even crawling, but walking forward. She passed the test and got a chance she fought for - this was what truly mattered. And now Saida will use this chance to show how good she was.

Drops of water fell down her neck as she wiped her face dry. The next change was not that far away and Saida must present herself from the best side she could – fully armed and with peaceful mind.

Saida sat for a bit on her bedding and stared at the arrows in her quiver counting them over and over. She wished to write to her parents and Elvedui. She wished to hear her laugh again – her laugh always blew away any clouds.

It was time. Saida stood up, straightened her outfit and got her weapons in place. All of them were pretty simple, typical weapons used in the army of Doriath. Every soldier was given his own set along with uniforms and shoes. They were provided with everything and those were the things Saida didn't have to worry about. Each of them were even given a horse – the steed was their own, only for them to ride and they shared it with no one.

Saida run out of the barack and directed her steps to the wooden building of commanders. She was not really accustomed with this area since there was no need for her to move around this place, but the General have not specified where she should report to and Saida stated that heading off there would be relevant.

She was not mistaken after all – the General was already waiting for her on the training field nearby and she quickly run up there to not keep him in wait. His soldiers were there as well, like ravens awaiting her failure and feed upon the remains once Oropher will be done with her. Saida was a good head lower than any of General's soldiers, she may be even lower than an average elleth which had not helped her at all in everyday training. She passed by Alagos who noticed her as first and Saida felt as if he actually growled at her. Alagos was like untold threat, if he was seen or not depended on his good will.

Saida stopped before the General focusing entirely on him. She hoped it would be easier for her that way, that those were truly his stout soldiers around who made her feel weak.

But Oropher did not truly needed his soldiers around. They were drawn to him and longed for his fury – it was Oropher who defined their strength, not the other way around. Oropher stood at the head of them as a leader of the greatest warriors of Doriath and Saida wondered about the unflinching spirit that this elf possessed.

Looking into Oropher's green eyes was a mistake, but now there was no turning back – if she would look away, she was lost on the very beginning.

'Congratulations. You passed the test.' he said with arms crossed on chest. 'This does not mean you are accepted into my division. Your trial begins now.'

It was a soft tilt of head Saida barely noticed, but Orthon moved from his place taking his sword in hand. The General didn't give an order, he had no right to attack her!

Orthon's overwhelming determination made her step back few steps. Force that this elf emaneted almost swayed Saida from her legs. Dangerous shadow fell upon her and in the last moment Saida took her own sword in hand.

She blocked the first attack, but Orthon's second hand rushed up and hit her in stomach and Saida was sure he didn't ease off with his strength. Saida folded in half couching at the lack of breath, but she managed to hold her sword in hand. But before she straightened up to defend herself, Orthon quickly finished her of by hitting her back with elbow and sending her flat to the ground.

Saida nestled and her sword clinged somewhere nearby as she let go of it. This is not how sparrings looked like, this was some kind of wild brawling in which she had no chance.

She gasped when she felt a strong grip on her clothes. Orthon grabbed her collar and dragged through the ground, it didn't matter that she tried to escape – his grip was too strong.

Orthon finally let go of her and Saida rised herself on elbows still feeling the consequences of the hit in stomach. Oropher stared at her with no remorse, his green eyes shone in dark cave surroundings, unforgiving and sharp.

'I don't know what made you approach me with such proposal.' he said and Saida didn't know herself if he chilled the air or rather boiled it. 'May it a bet with your fellow companions or the need to prove something to yourself or maybe to someone else. But I will make an example out of you for everyone to see.'

Saida stared at him with wide eyes wishing she could crawl away while at the same time being to petrified to do so. She had no chance, she was too weak. She wished she thought about it earlier, she wished she stayed with her division and dragged wood back and forth from the forest.

'I won't send you away.' Oropher continued unrelently. 'Soon, you will know what being a soldier truly means and the concept of it may differ a bit from what you know now.'

He leaned down to Saida and he probably chose to ignore the sparks of fright that appeared in her eyes.

'You will give up yourself.' he said with devastating determination. 'You won't develop the strength needed to face my soldiers. You will fail, little girl.'

Oropher's smile was like a mockery. He straightened up and didn't grace her with another glance.

'Your training starts with Alagos.'

Saida turned her eyes immediately to the elf who already moved from his place to approach her.

'Get up.' he simply said and jerked her up with ease. Saida cought her balance and after she recovered her sword she followed the officer on shaking legs. Oropher's words ringed in her head – exactly the same ones this treacherous voice told her as well. She will fail. She was nothing more but a little girl.

Saida believed she was in great condition. And she was, there was no denying it, but every work out needed to end in right moment. However, Alagos ordered her to keep going beyond limits and mindfulness. Her hands shook and barely rised her up with every push-up. Sweat poured from her and she gasped at every move she made. Her muscles could not handle this stringing to the brim, overwhelmed by what she was forced to do now. She tried to count up every push-up she did, but this proved to be fruitless and didn't help her at all. Time passed and she kept going, despite her mind telling her not to. All the sense and reason was lost and Saida depended on the orders of Alagos.

Her mouth was dry, sweat dropped down her face. She didn't feel well for a while now, but she withhold any of this. She gasped and finally had enough – her hands gave up and she landed on the groud. Dirt and soil immediately sticked to her and she spit out a bit from her mouth.

Alagos said nothing, but Saida clearly felt his eyes on herself. She didn't look up trying to get a grip. She needed to get up, but her pulsating muscles would not let her. She couldn't overstrain like this, no one should! She needed to train later, to take care of her duties – how will she do it not being able to walk?

'I can't.' she whispered and the best she forced was pressing her hands below her body and held it above the groud on elbows.

'You can't what? You can't breathe?'

Alagos said impassively and Saida shook head to get rid of hair that sticked all over her face and were now dirty with soil. She could breathe, it was not that bad with her, but now not only her mouth was all dried and full of soil, but her throat demanded a bit of water as well.

'N-no, but-' Saisa said trying to explain, but she was quickly cut short.

'If you can breathe than you can keep going.' Alagos said sternly.

Saida had no choice. She quickly realized that the duties she planned for today won't happen – her sparrings with fellows of another division, she will even have to ask someone to groom her horse or maybe she will be able to do it by herself.

Saida came back to her push-up, but with much slower pace. Even if she wanted she was not able to keep up the previous one, but Alagos reprimended her over and over forcing to speed up. Saida gasped at the pain, at every cramp and pulsating sensation, but she didn't asked for a break, she didn't even dare to look up at Alagos, how could she even say anything about the training?

When the officer decided that this was enough, Saida thought she was dismissed. She brushed off her hands, but before she got up Alagos threw to the ground before her a simple plank, it was rough and not polished at all. Saida stared at it, trying to calm her beating heart.

'On you knees, soldier.'

Saida didn't even manage to look up at Alagos, who approached her closer and threw a whole sack of beetroots on her arms. At first she bended to the weight, but lifted it up bravely holding the sack with both hands. Her neck was unpleasantly bended down as the bag lied on her both arms, the ends of it facing two shoulders. She scrambled knees on the board immediately grimacing at how uncomfortable it was.

'No grimaces!' Alagos scolded angrily above her. 'What are you, a doll that you can't handle it?'

You will fail, little girl. Saida forced on herself serious face, breathing more heavily with each passing moment. Every part of her body hurted more and more and bruises on her knees won't fade for long.

Alagos didn't bawled at her as some officers used to when she trained with her division. He barely spoke at all, beside giving a command or scolding her. But when he spoke, Saida truly wished he didn't.

Her back pained at holding so much weight now. Saida had no idea how many Changes passed by, but she knew for a fact that her neck would be stiff for long and probably no massage would make it better. Her arms shook and Saida barely held herself straight while kneeling at the plank and every sway shot up and bruising ache up and down her knees. She closed her eyes breathing heavily, all her face was once more wet with sweat, actually she was all wet and hair sticked all over her body which probably made her look more than miserable. If all her trainings would be as this one, than Saida would have to launder her outfits after the end of each one. Good thing that she had three of them.

'Enough.'

This single word was like a blessing and she let go of a sack that fell somewhere behind her. Her neck was hard to straighten as she suspected and achy legs barely rised her up from the plank. It was even worse when she saw a red marks on her knees – more than likely the grazes on her skin bled and blisters only started to form.

In last moment she cought a wooden sword that was threw at her. Saida looked at Alagos standing in front of her. She can't fight after all of this! She can barely move!

'Show me your best.' Alagos said and moved to attack.

She would explain herself in vain, Alagos attacked her unrelently and fiercely. Her every fail to block was rewarded with firm strikes and she grimaced at first ones – a blow of wooden stick in stringed muscles pained horribly.

'Don't grimace!' Alagos said sternly as he hit her unblocked hip. Saida bit her lip trying to keep up with his speed, but Alagos hit her calf and ribs, then without a pardon he kicked her in knee flexion and pushed Saida down on the ground when she fell on her knees.

Saida was all dirty once more. Dirt sticked to her and she could feel it everywere in her mouth. They were supposed to teach her, were they not? Or at least test her skills, but Saida felt as if she was bullied. She never experienced such a thing before, but she knew elves who did, though bullying was cut short in the army if officers sniffed up something like this. Saida now knew how horrible it felt to have no control – Alagos was an opponent she would never beat and he could do as he pleased.

But Alagos lowered his sword and he rounded Saida, looking down at her with indifference.

'That's enough for now. Report for next training at Crow Constellation.'

He flipped up her wooden sword with his foot and cought it and then he was gone, leaving her laying in dirt.

Saida scrambled from the ground, finally free to express all her pain. She gasped helping herself to get up when knees ached her too much, but truly her hands were no better. When she stood straight she breathed deeply few times and slowly shuffled along to her barack.

During Autumn the Crow Constellation was considered to be in a middle of the whole one cycle – the beginning forerun the Wolf Constellation and the end Chestnut Constellation. Saida had less that three Changes to rest and prepare for another training and when she appeared back on the fields, still sore from the beating she received, Alagos was already waiting for her.

He bid her to start all over. Push-up, bag lifting and then sparring. And again and again for cycles to come, without a break, without a chance for longer rest. She knew her any request would fail, so she had never dared to speak it out lound. Neither she begged to be sparred – Saida tried to manage everything Alagos bid her to do, but she could not help but gasp aloud at her hurting muscles, at every strike her body took when bruises were still fresh and grew only bigger, swollen knees were forced over and over on rough plank, blisters around the damaged skin bursted and stinged mercilessly – truth be told her skin was damaged in more than a lot places on her body and bruises were all purple. Huge splints from wooden weapons went into her uniform and stinged her skin, but she could take them out only when the trainig was over and she sat on her bedding in solitude and peace, all pained.

Seron at first was surprised seeing her like this and he actually asked her concerned if something happened to her. But Saida shook her head explaining that it was all her training. In time it was not only Alagos who trained her - Faron showed up as well and he was not as approachable anymore as it seemed. Faron trained her with long stave and strikes made by this thing were even more painful than from the wooden sword. Nelledir appeared for her training as well, so did Orthon, even Taranir. And every one of them added the exercise on their own, forcing her to even harder effort.

Saida often felt that she was soon to faint. She breathed fast and greedily, almost trundling with barm like overidden horse. Soon, she could barely rise up any wooden weapon and no matter how many times she was reprimended not to grimace she couldn't help herself. You will fail, little girl. Surrender on your own or they will make you.

It was well after the middle of Autumn and Saida trained cycle after cycle. They passed by and Saida even stopped putting bandages on her bruises and grazes, mainly because she wanted to just get more sleep. After the end of each training session she came back to the barack, washed herself, but in time she could only walk into the water and get out. She just took well care of her aching knees, washing them and putting herbal smudge on them. Then she was forcing herself to take care of her dirty outfit and then placed it on simple dryer. After the bath, she was immediately clothig herself in fresh uniform and then she went to sleep, everytime breathing with relief at the soft and comfy blanket she lied in. It was like this cycle after cycle, how much more was she willing to suffer?

Saida remembered she layed herself to rest after a cooling bath, but it was a brutal jerk that woke her up. She was dragged from her bedding to the wooden floor of the barack and her body protested at being treated like this. She groaned aloud feeling all the cramps and pulsating pain started anew. The elf who dragged her from bed still held her by collar and rised her up so she stood on her own shaky legs. Saida overslept. It was time for another training.

Her face was congealed in constant grimace, but then she wanted to sink beneath the ground as she stared in green fury of Oropher's eyes.

Without a single word he pulled her to walk, but Saida triped over and he was almost dragging her after himself, still holding the collar of her uniform in strong grip. Saida could feel her eyes almost glaze over at the lone thought of what was awaiting her on the fields.

'Had a good sleep?' Oropher asked as they finally arrived to the fields. He let go of Saida and she fell on her hands and knees to the ground.

It was Taranir this time who stood beside his commander. He had arms crossed on chest and his steely eyes bore into her almost painfully. Saida feared Taranir's cold resolution. He was not as rapid as others were, he didn't lash out furiously. But he was Oropher's second in command, it would not be wise to bring forth Taranir's anger.

'You are weak. I told you, you won't manage.' Oropher said angrily as he walked around her.

Saida was not weak. She couldn't be. She endured for so long the deadly training they forced on her. Her pain didn't matter, she will overcome it and to keep going as long as they wanted to.

'Why do you insist to keep wasting our time?' Oropher growled and Saida had no courage to look at him. 'Look at you. Down on the ground and beaten. This is how you intend to serve in the army of Doriath?'

'No, I want-' Saida spoke up quietly, but her explanation was cut short.

'No one cares what you want.' Oropher snapped at her immediately and Saida closed her eyes to be spared from his anger. This was not a place for her. Why did she ever leave her beautiful home? She could keep helping her parents, gathering herbs for her mother, hunting deers for her father. Then she was brutally pulled back from her thoughts. 'This caprice of yours to be a warrior ends with your pathetic excuse of determination. It ends with your pathetic cowardice! How will you ever give any command when you can't even stand for yourself?!'

Saida closed her eyes even tighter. Blood rushed through her veins, thoughts raced through her mind and bump in her throat rose only bigger.

'I'm sorry.' she spoke again, surprised, but at the same time so glad that her voice didn't shook or even break.

'Is this what you will say to the family of a soldier you failed save? Is this what you will say to me when you will fail my order?' Oropher said unrelently holding her still under his fiery gaze. 'Better say it to yourself. You have much to be sorry about.'

Saida bit her lip. All her life she was improving herself. She walked a long way from being who she had been to who she was now. All in vain, it seemed. All her efforts were for nothing. Saida couldn't match with anyone, she was too weak to be a true soldier she dreamed of being.

'How do you even live without looking others in the eyes? How do you want to be respected?' Oropher rounded her like a direwolf and Saida felt his anger only growing. She didn't want to anger him even more, she would cower away if he will want to. She would crawl away from his sight.

'I am a soldier. I am respected.' Saida mumbled the worlds she wanted to believe, but this time she couldn't make her voice stable. 'I-I wish to be stronger-'

'This is not the Fountain of Wishes!' Oropher bawled at her, his loud voice spooked nearby horses and Saida flinched wishing this would be over. Everything she said was thrown back at her face. 'You wish to be stronger? Who will grant you this wish, little girl?! Tell me!'

Bump in Saida's throat was almost too painful to let her speak. Even if she could, she would not know what to say. Her desperation rose with every moment and despite her efforts tears formed in her eyes. When she sniffled quietly Oropher get a hold of her uniform and forced her to look at him. His green eyes shone with pure rabidity.

'Tell me!' Oropher shouted again savagely and Saida stared in his green eyes, strong like racing river.

'Me.' Saida whispered finally and Oropher shook her fiercely.

'Say it!'

'I will be stronger.' she said louder, but her voice broke under all the pressure.

Oropher let her go and straightened up. It was over. Oropher played in no observations nor consolation. He moved to leave the fields with Taranir on side.

'Report for your next training.'

Saida didn't look to see them leaving. Instead she finally submitted to all the pressure and she covered her mouth to not sob aloud, but her arms shook uncontrollably and tears wet her face. All the needles pierced in her stinged even more as she recalled General's every word. She was no one. She was not enough. We won't ever be enough. They all proved it already, why torment her even more?

She wished to hear Elvedui and her sweet words of consolation, she wanted the known comfort of her presence, her wonderful smile and reassurance that everything was alright.

Saida tried to control her weeping, but not even the image of her dear Elvedui could hold her together. She wanted to see her parents again, they were always able to cheer her. Suddenly, Saida realized she had no one here who would be truly close with her. She was not truly bonded with anyone.

Her knees only pained her more intensively with each passing moment she kneeled on the ground. Her uniform was messed up again, dirty and mashed up. Saida's hair fell down her arms and back, because she didn't even had time to tie them up when she was dragged outside. Saida's mind reminded her that everything pained her. How can she train like that? No one was able to keep up with such demands, it was not physically possible and still they were forcing her?

'If you intend to blow your nose, do it somewhere else.'

The voice was not unfriendly, but neither sympathetic. At first Saida congealed, ashamed that someone was seeing her like this and she hastily wiped out her face that still remained a bit wet. She turned briefly to see the elf behind her and it only assured her that she didn't know this elf at all and had never ever heard his voice.

'And don't bother to show up if you have not learned your lesson.' the elf said again and Saida tightened her jaw.

This was supposed to teach me something?

Then Saida blinked and she was taken aback. She actually said that aloud and the elf looked at her sternly with his white eyes. What he wanted was unknown to Saida, but he had no right to barge in here and trample her as the officers did before him.

'And leave me alone. I am not a pushover!'

She then turned back from the elf and angrily wiped more tears that left her eyes. Her division respected her and they followed her orders, it was enough. Saida worked well with Seron, he was a good and gentle leader and he cared about their well being, always watched over if they had everything they needed.

'Then why you never said it to them?'

Saida turned back to chase the elf away, but he was already gone from his place and now went up the stairs to the wooden building of the officers. She noticed he leaned heavily on the railing and limped a bit.

Saida sniffled again thinking of his question. Sure, why not say it to them. They would tear her apart and chew bones for dessert. They were her commanders and their orders were a law.

She turned back and sifted sand through her fingers. Slime was flowing from her nose, although she stopped crying a good while ago and she kept wiping it away. She was supposed to show up for another training and Saida knew she won't carry through it. Saida knew she was too tired and aggrieved to make anything work and her body needed a good rest. The General knew of this as well and if Saida wanted to survive to the next cycle without bringing even more Oropher's anger on herself, she needed to think of the way out of this situation.

She could give up. After all, Oropher said that he would make an example out of her for everyone to see. Some would feel sorry for her, some would pity her, others will mock her, while there were some who would make a laughing stock out of her. And there would be this minority who would admire her courage.

Saida was never the strongest one in the group, but neither she was the weakest – she was somewhere in between. She was always gladly taken on a hunt or other adventure, because she never slacked around, she had skills and she contributed to action so the plan worked well. Saida never had a stength to spike up to the highest parts of the group, no one ever let her. But since when she needed to ask for anyone's permission? Saida learned long ago that no one will give her anything at their own will – she needed to fight for everything herself. It's high time she finally get started.

There were no wants. And no wishes. There was Saida and her decisions – dreams she would turn into goals. I will be stronger, those were her own words. It was high time to believe in them.

Timidly, Saida got up wincing at her numb, petrified knees as if someone binded them. Step after step she headed back to her barack to get herself clean. Maybe her outfit dried up. She will feel better in a fresh one.

When Saida was near the barack her legs were much better and she stepped more freely on them both. Seron was in front of the barack a bit on edge. There was also Mael sitting on a wooden bench and few more members of her division – Saida noticed Himil, who always had her light hair braided, dark eyed Midhel, tall Sylil and few others, but when Seron finally noticed her, she focused entirely on him. More then likely they saw how she was dragged out of the barack by her neck and Saida could only imagine how gruesome was this sight for them.

'Saida, you-' he said with clear fright. 'What have you even done to anger the General this much?'

'I overslept.' she said and wiped her nose again. No more hiding, she should be proud of what she was doing, no matter what others thought of it. 'It's his division I am training for.'

Saida passed by her lieutenant and checked the uniform. She was in luck – it was dry and fresh, so she took it and headed off to take a bath. She still could not move much and as she used to she focused mostly on her poor knees. All bruised and violet, burning blisters around the clotted blood were not making it any better.

Saida clothed herself and lied on her bedding, but this time she was on guard and vigilant.


	4. Like an eagle in flight

Saida showed up on the fields in fresh uniform and she finally had a chance to get her hair in place from the mess it was in. Actually, Himil helped her to gather her hair into long ponytail since her muscles were still sore, and Saida was grateful for this gesture beyond measure.

There was no sign of the General or his second in command on the fields. Faron was leaning on wooden fence and his long staff was near him, the only thing he missed was a long pipe to look completly relaxed. As always he was on the fields as first, just as it was with other officers, and as they had in custom, before Saida managed to get closer and greet Faron anyhow he immediately went into business.

'You know the drill.' he said as he stood straight and waited for Saida to begin the exercise.

She swallowed and breathed deeply, metally preparing for the ripping pain and to feel the muscles she didn't even knew she had. Saida began the training as she always did and the game began anew.

Soon enough Faron started to repriment her to keep up the pace, but Saida couldn't do it, no matter how hard she tried. When her hands gave up once more she quickly supported herself more steadily on her elbows before she landed face flat in the dirt. She breathed heavily, knowing that this was the edge she could not jump through. Saida was not able to continue.

'I can't keep this up.' Saida said, briefly wiping her face from sweat. Faron will probably send her off to not show up again, but at this point Saida knew she was not able to manage their demands.

'You can.' Faron said impassively standing before her with arms crossed on chest. Of course, if she could breathe than she can go on as well.

Instead of coming back to her push-ups Saida stiffely relieved her hands from supporting her and raised herself to kneel. Immediately her body protested about this, but at least her hands didn't pulsate so much as she hanged them freely on both sides of her body. Saida looked at Faron, still breathing with a strain.

'But I-' Saida started and swallowed almost getting rid of the words she wanted to say aloud now. Her reason told her to be silent or at least explain, but she knew she could not. 'I won't.'

Faron stared at her still, impassively and expecting her to go on as she always did. Saida always obeyed and never questioned their orders.

'You won't what, exactly?'

Saida lowered her eyes. How foolish. Now she would not only be kicked back to her place to be made a laughing stock, but now her disobedience would be notified in files and this scar would defile her name.

'I won't continue this training.' Saida said since her reason was too busy dishing up the inglorious future that awaited her. Then she rised her eyes up when a dark shadow fell over her and she stared in Faron's sharp eyes.

'Such a little girl and so loud-mouthed!' he snapped angrily and Saida stayed how she was, petrified, fidgety eyes looked around for a way out.

Explain yourself!, her reason shouted at her and Saida cought this thought tightly, hoping it will save her.

'It's- it's impossible to train so hard, Sir!' she said quickly. 'No one can handle this!'

Saida's heart beat hard anew inside her chest and her eyes found no way out. You will taint your name, you destroyed everything you worked so hard on!

'Is that so?' Faron asked, though she knew it was not a question to be answered. Faron's biting eyes bore into her painfully and her once thought that he was the most appoachable officer turned into ashes at once. 'And what will you do with it?'

Saida's heart almost stopped and her mind went mad in her head. She won't ever get a higher rank with the impertinance she showed now. Faron awaited her answer and his patience was growing short.

'I-I won't continue this.' Saida was so grateful that her voice did not fail her and she did not squek those words out of herself. She had never refused doing anything. She followed Seron acknowledging his every order, she always did what officers wanted her to do. Saida even got few commendations for dedication to duty and resourcefulness. She was exemplary, liked soldier and her fellow companions enjoyed cooperationg with her.

Now she looked at Faron, convienced that if her heart would keep up beating up so fast she would faint. Saida avoided looking into his eyes as she could. Instead, her eyes run all around officer's face, but she clearly felt Faron was staring right in her own gold eyes. Saida was a moment close from lowering her eyes to break under the pressure, but Faron passed by her and took his staff, that Saida hated with all her heart.

'Report for next training.' he said as he was walking away.

Saida cought the air deeply few times as if she forgot how to breathe. This session was over, much earlier than it should be. She did almost nothing, she didn't have to knee on that wretched plank, she was not beaten again during the sparring. If this was truly the end of this sesion and not a perfidious windup, than Saida gained a lot more time to rest.

Gingerly, she stood up. No one other showed up on the field, no one walked around spying on her. Only few elves walked up and down the stairs of the wooden building, probably to give the report to the commanders. Saida was free to go and so she did.

Saida threw herself on the bedding and breathed out in relief. Her nap was longer than she expected, but when once she woke up she felt much better than for the last half-season. She went to take a bath and left the barack to groom her horse. With shame Saida admitted that for the Autumn she neglected her horse a bit – sometimes she asked a companion from her division to take care of her steed, but it should be her doing so. Saida knew it and not even bruised bones should have been an excuse to not visiting her horse for so long. When she was done and her horse gleamed properly groomed, Saida came back to the barack and ate a meal with her division, calmy and comfortably, not at all in the hurry as she sometimes used to do and she was in much better mood now that she was more rested and not exhausted with pain and effort. Saida spoke with her closer friends, and the conversations were usual as always starting with weapons and training, that another division got a rebuke in their files and ending on simple gossips. When they were done, Seron quickly told them of their orders and when they were staring their work.

Saida went to her next training with heart in her mouth. She glanced over on the fields to see if anyone was there at all.

Faron was waiting for her with that accursed stick and Saida almost groaned when she was noticed. There was no turning back now and she walked to the officer who in turn waited for her to approach.

Saida didn't know what Faron had in mind and Saida was suspicious that at their last meeting he let go so easily. She needed to be cautious and tread carefully – he propably prepared something worse for her.

Without a word Faron threw before her a wooden plank and only ten Saida noticed a sack of beetroots that awaited nearby. She said already that she won't be able to do this!

'On your knees, little girl.' Faron tilted his head and Saida almost backed away.

'I am not a little girl.' Saida said a bit timidly, but truth be told she had enough of this stupid phase they called her. At least they could swipe the ground with her while using her name. 'I-My name is Saida.'

'Well then, Saida. Get going.' Faron tilted head at the plank and Saida made few steps towards it. Last time she managed to save herself from this torture, maybe she would manage to do this once more? Saida knew it would not be wise to push her luck and get once more on the worse side of Faron, but she was not well enough to continue the hard training.

'Sir, I can't-' she tried, but she was interrupted immediately.

'You can. You have never been in a state that would not let you.'

Then it clicked. It was all about words. Saida has been using the wrong ones. She was heard and listened to only when she said what she demanded or made clear what she would not do. A test for blind loyalty? Maybe, but Saida was not brave enough to disobey so openly and she was not sure that was all about it.

'I won't do any exercise that I've done before.' Saida said and tried to make it sound convincing.

'I decide what you do and what you won't do.' Faron said, confident as always and Saida wished she could as well react so appropriately to the words of other elves. Faron and every officer she trained with was not cought off guard by any of her words nor with any of her behaviour.

Faron throw at her the usual wooden weapon she fought against him.

'Rise your sword.' he said and Saida knew she had no chance to talk herself out of it.

But this time it seemed different. There was no lethal swiftness and she could finally protect herself against Faron's assault. Their weapons knocked when hit, but it was as if Faron wanted to try something out. Still, Saida got what she deserved when her defense was too weak or she had not block herself on time.

After the training she decided to go to the falconry and write to her parents and Elvedui. Last cycle she wrote to each of them messages full of sorrow and regrets. She even said that she would come back home only to be away from the place she was now. But Saida thought she started to figure out what this was about and her previous words were written with too much haste.

Faron knocked the sword out of her hand with powerful and clever move she didn't predict. Saida was used to their tricks and she just tightened her jaws, but Faron lowered his own weapon.

'Report for your next training.'

As Saida promised herself she went to write a message for a falcon to carry. To her surprise the bird she sent not long ago was back and falconer gave her a messege adressed to her. She sat quietly outside, ignoring loud birds and opened the tightly folded paper. The letter was from Elvedui and despite how Saida tried a pleasant warm spread all over her. As they had in custom, the first lines were always about the pleasant things that happened to them. Elvedui wrote about her children and that her sister was expecting a second elfling. They didn't have to fear winter since they had big reserves and their horses were in good health – their whole settlement was well prepared.

Saida directed her eyes to lower lines as she needed Elvedui's words to go on, to find a sense in the thing that was happening to her. If you want to lead others you have to inspire them and to do this you must know what you want. Those were the first lines that Elvedui wrote to her. That there was no such thing as hesistancy on the path she chose. Some were born with this while some needed to learn this and Saida was a part of this second group. But the world would not wait for her and the sooner Saida would learn to get others to listen, the better for her.

It was Nelledir who appeared on her next training, but he didn't try to force her on deadly exercices that destroyed her body this much. Instead he threw a wooden sword at her and their training began. Nelledir was a lot more agressive than Faron, but he as well slowed down now and forced her to some complex blocks and attacks. Saida tried her best as always, but she have not yet perfected any of those. Nelledir pointed our her mistakes as he usually did – by hitting her in unblocked place. On the next session in was Alagos who appeared at threw daggers at her, then Faron showed up and threw a bow at her. Every time she came back to the barack bruised and straggly. Every time they scolded her without saying even a single word. But Saida, although in pain, didn't fell anymore like a deer run to death.

At the next training she met with the elf she hoped to never face. Orthon waited for her with arms crossed on chest. Without a word he threw a plank that fell on the sand with silent sound and Saida stared at it. She was sure the sack of beetroots was somewhere nearby as well.

Orthon was silent, but this silence was meaningful. Sometimes Saida wondered why it was Taranir and not Orthon who was Oropher's second in command. Orthon was overwhelming like an avalanche and no one would dare to challenge him.

His eyes were a bit darker than her own, but the strength in his golden sight forced everyone to look away. And Saida did just that, but then she looked back up, scanning his face, but not looking straight in the eyes.

'I won't do it.' she said with more firmness than she intended. She felt Orthon narrowed his eyes more sharply, but she kept avoiding his gaze to not crush before it.

Silence lasted for a long moment, but Saida did not break under the pressure that was almost tangible. The fact that she was more than one head shorter than Orthon didn't help at all. Saida tried to convience herself that Orthon was not worse than spiteful Doron, or a lieutenant of another division, Galas, who always tried to pick quarells and provoked Seron everytime he could. But no, Orthon was not to be compared to any of them.

Orthon passed by her only saying to show up for another training.

This time it was Taranir who awaited her. Saida felt a bolt going right through her, but when she stopped before the officer she tried not to show how nervous she was.

Taranir threw before her a plank that fell with its usual sound.

'On your knees.' he said with his usual adamant voice.

'I won't do it.' Saida said trying to say it with the same firmness as she did wih Orthon.

Taranir stared at her for a good while and just like with Orthon she run her eyes on his face to not stare directly into his eyes. It helped her a lot and saved her from breaking before the very eyes of the officers.

Taranir moved from his place and Saida was almost sure he would pass by her and the training would be over. But before she realized Taranir kicked her knee flexion an pushed her down on the plank.

Saida's knees crashed with a rough plank and blisters that were still around the wound bursted. Pain at once springed up and down her legs and she blinked fast when her eyes glazed over.

'I am your commander and you will obey my orders.' Taranir said while Saida still fought with her pain. This time she pushed her luck.

'What have you learnt?' Taranir asked as he came back to his place before her.

'Orders of my commanders must be performed.' Saida said as she tried to get from one knee to another to soften anyhow the pressure, but it proved to be even worse idea.

'Where lies your duty?'

'To the General.' Saida said, but reading Taranir's face she knew that answer was wrong. Think, Saida, think. All your life you helped others, duty is not so different. Then she changed her answer. 'To the people of Doriath.'

'Where does your loyalty belong?' Taranir asked further and Saida wondered about the answer almost hissing at the sudden scamp in her knees. The King required loyalty, but to be a true soldier of the King one must possess many other attributes than just that.

'To the General.' Saida said and it was a correct answer for Tarnir kept going.

'For whom do you train to be stronger?'

'For myself.' Saida said and at this she answered with no hesistancy as she remembered well the frightening encounter with the General. It seemed she learned something after all.

'What all of this makes you?'

'A soldier to the King of Doriath.' Saida said with confidence that she was right.

'Get up.' Taranir said and gingerly Saida stood up, but it would be quite a while before she would feel relief and the pain would cease down. Taranir stared at her and then passed by her, but she didn't flinch away afraid that he will do something. And Taranir called her as he was near. 'Now follow me.'

Saida walked after Taranir already thinking what herbal smudge should she place on her knees later to make them heal faster. Each move and bending them pained and it would be hard for her to ride a horse like this. And since her division started her duty in a while, Saida needed to get in shape.

Taranir lead them to the wooden building and when he started to climb the stairs, Saida was stucked a bit. She had never been there before since there was no need for her, but Saida followed Taranir keeping herself close. At the very end of the corridor there was a pacy open office and three others on the sides of the corridor. Taranir lead them to one of the cabinets that was open.

Taranir entered and Saida followed him, but there was no one behind the desk. Then when she started to look around she almost swallowed her tongue seeing the General sitting on one of the archairs in the corner. To her surprise there was another elf sitting in front of him and Saida recognized the white-eyed elf who bugged her on the fields.

Saida stood before them as if graved into the floor while Taranir exchanged glances with Oropher, which she could not see, and then he stood on Oropher's side with arms crossed on chest.

Oropher go up from the armchair and put away his goblet with wine. Saida stared at his every move like cornered fox. She tried this same trick which she practised on the other officers, but with Oropher it didn't go well and now Saida had to stare right into his green eyes.

'You passed the trial and you are accepted into my division.' he said 'Now we start teaching you.'

Saida stared at Oropher as if he did not say it to her. Maybe she heard what she wanted to? Or they will all laugh at her in a moment and sent her away with brief wave of hand?

Say something back!, her reason shouted at once reviving her from sudden stun.

'General, thank you! I won't let you down!' she said and saluted properly. Moment after moment his words were becoming more real and her heart rised up as if butterflies carried it.

'This I know, Saida. But your work has just began.' Oropher said as he crossed his arms on chest. 'Nelledir will meet you in front of the building and head off to your barack. You will gather you belongings and he will talk with your lieutenant.'

Saida nodded and took her leave almost forgetting about all the harship she had been through. Only when she went down the stairs she remembered that her body didnt feel so well after all. But then once more she forgot about it when she realized that General called her by her name.

As Oropher said, Nelledir was already waiting for her and since then everything went on so quickly that Saida barely registered it. Nelledir informed Seron that Saida was transfered to another division and they set things straight concerning replacing her. Saida gathered her things hastily into a bag, than followed Nelledir who lead her to another barack where she had a room for herself. It was not big, but had everything that was needed - a bed, a closet, a desk, few comfy chairs. Saida knew she would get accomodated here pretty fast. Then Nelledir left, telling her to be present at the briefing at Wolf Constellation and Saida moment after moment realized that she was a part of new division.

What an honour it would be!, Saida remembered her own though the day she approached the General with her proposition. By now, Saida understood that this honour was binded with alliegance and with this arrived new responsibilities - everything Saida was ready for.

The briefing was quick and Saida didn't get much out of it. It was mainly Taranir and Oropher who spoke - about the new orders given by Primus General Mablung, that the regiments of the heavy cavalry of all three Banners would train together new arrays and Saida didn't understand when Taranir explained it, and since winter was coming closer they would get started and ride to the settlements around Doriath and check if the villigers were prepared for the hard season.

'Alagos find out which of your divisions would need new horses in near future, Orthon make sure your regiment would be ready to train the arrays. Let's get to work.' Oropher said and then he looked directly at Saida. 'You are coming with me.'

They all went their own path and Saida obediently followed her General who lead her through the area and Saida stared all around, now seeing things she have never before. Down the road a division of heavy cavalry trotted by, Cougar on their banner sharpened its eyes on everyone. Nearby swordsmen tested themselves in their own company, archers trained on nearby range, spearmasters stood on one field disposed in steady rows. It all seemed like a beehive.

'I won't turn around to talk to you.' Oropher said through his shoulder causing Saida to focused up and she quickly cought up to her new commander. When she did, Oropher continued. 'As you well know our army is disposed under three Banners, Cougar, Wolf and a Wolverine. Our direct commander is Mablung, the Primus General, with a Queen's Nightingale. Under my banner there are six regiments and warriors of my division lead at least one, as my higher ranking officers.' Oropher continued to speak with calm voice and Saida tried to focus entirely on what he was saying. 'You are not yet promoted to the rank of the officer, you lack skills and firmness, but we will get there sooner than you think.'

'So, all of this was not a training...yet?' Saida asked hesistant to even think how the real training looked like.

'It was, more or less. But overstaining in such useless exercises is worthless and won't do any good.' Oropher said and looked at her from the corner of his eye. 'Actually, we thought that you were kind of stupid that you let yourself be forced to do such things. But on the other hand, after this we were certain how big your potencial is.'

Saida stared at him with a bit open mouth. She just did what they ordered her! What was even the point of this? Oropher said himself that she won't develop needed strength, but he was wrong - Saida managed everything they got for her.

'Then why...?' Saida asked the question that chugged along her mind.

'And how you wanted to work with any of my soldiers while still cowering from them?' Oropher asked a bit more sharply. 'You are part of a team now and you need to cooperate with them. Only your commanders can issue an oder to you, which is me and Taranir. Not counting Mablung and other Generals.'

Saida realized she got it wrong from the beginning and her flashes that lasted through her trainings were good direction which she should have followed. As she suspected, no one was able to withstand such workout. Her job was to break the ice and start treating her once officers as companions. Refusing them was the core of the task and first step, which almost proved to be too much for Saida.

That's why the trick didn't work with Taranir. Saida have not noticed that Taranir was her supervisor and his commands needed to be obeyed.

'Niphredil is doing very good, by the way. Estelil loves her, as I suspected.' Oropher said brightening for a moment with a smile, but it quickly disappeared.

'I-I did the best I can, I didn't know how a military horses are trained.' Saida said trying to explain herself a bit. She was glad that the Lady was happy about her new steed, after all Saida liked to get other elves happy.

'That was the point, don't you understand yet?' Oropher finally looked at her, but his eyes were not as sharp as Saida used to remember. 'I can't have my soldier be dependant on others. You didn't know how to train the horse so you rolled up your sleeves and gain the information by yourself. Self-reliance is crucial to be truly part of any division. No one will ever trust your skills if you won't trust in them yourself.'

Oropher was right. Saida got to work with the horse as fast as she could and quickly figured out what she needed to do. All the trials she passed had different goals than she anticipated or even thought of, but there was some truth in this reasoning. Saida only wished they could have showed her this in a different way or even told her straight forward.

'You wish to have everything placed on a golden tray?' Oropher asked as if he heard her thoughts. 'Thinking by yourself is also useful, if you didn't know. You won't get far if you will have everything said to you by others. It will happen that you will be left on your own and then what?'

'Of course.' Saida said under her breath, again stating that he was right. Still, she was sure there were other ways to sufficiently teach others rather than dragging them through the ground, but if the General chose this way to teach his soldiers, Saida could only accept this.

Oropher lead her through the military fields showing the placements of the regiments, where the main stable was placed and Saida noticed her own horse was already there sticking head through one wooden stall. Oropher showed Saida her future obligations - the quiet inspection that must be done once in two changes under her attentive eyes.

Soon she got more and more responsibilities and one of the warriors often took her to show her what leading a regiment meant. She took part in briefings with lower ranking officers, but it was quite a time before she spoke alound during any of those. She was also tought how to oversaw a division and what she should be paying attention for during their training. Beside this, she trained under their observant eyes and during those sessions Saida truly felt that they started to teach her instead of crushing her into the ground.

And Saida quickly made huge steps to be even better warrior. Soon she could manage the deadly speed of Faron's assault, Nelledir's tricks and complicated techniques, she learned from Taranir fluency of her motions and Alagos tought her how to be attentive of her surroundings which later helped her in dodging Orthon's powerful attacks. She trained her horse to be better as well and they both made progression on archery range - Saida was always a good archer and she cought the drill quickly and mastered the bow smoothly.

In time Saida got more used to her new companions. It was now much easier to think of this, but Saida realized there was no need to feel overwhelmed by them. As she got to know them all better, Saida felt more and more familiar with their presence and spoke to them often. Soon she got used to Alagos's sense of humor and got to like it. Faron often spoke to her of Ossiriand and she loved to listen, since she had never left the woods of Doriath. Taranir enjoyed teaching her and he seemed pleased that he had a chance to share his knowledge. Nelledir often played with hand wrestling with her and although Saida never won, she told herself to keep trying. Orthon tought her how to fist fight and hit someone to down him with a single strike. And even Oropher seemed to care to make an officer out of her.

Soon they bid her to carry orders and test herself in giving commands. Sometimes they were present, but often it happened that Saida was alone and as Oropher said before one time, she needed to rely on herself. Saida was even sent to carry some papers or information to another Generals, few times even to Mablug himself. They didn't seem more kind-hearted than Oropher and his division and if she expected that they would be any gentler, than she was mistaken.

Finally, during summer, Saida joined her division for patrol. They rode to the forest of Neldoreth to check if the roads were passable and if they were not than how many soldiers and horses would be needed to remove the obstacle. They also checked if the river was stable or if Esgalduin rose in water and threatened to flood the forest around. They were also to check if the settlements were well after the winter or the heavy fallen snow made great damage to the houses.

Their patrol had one more purpose. Saida was supposed to learn to lead a division through the forest grounds and Oropher placed her in the position of a leader. Using Taranir's lessons and Oropher's teachings about firmness, Saida quickly disposed them in the array and lead them forward on the road. Sometimes when she lead them wrongly she was asked if she wanted a hit in the nut. By now, Saida was very used to their scolding and it flew through her like water. It even began to have a charm. Saida knew that this division was one of a kind, but now she got a different reason why it was like this. Strangely, she though as if she belonged among them and maybe a hunch to approach Oropher with the proposal was some strange kind of destiny.

Saida realized they made their way to the forest of Region. They stopped to inspect the marsh road and they shook their heads knowing that no carriage would pass through this path. Taranir immediately tried to evaluate how many sand they would have to scatter to make it more passable. And Saida realized she knew this area, though she had only went that far with the wood-cutters for the wood. Her settlement was nearby and with iddylic views and peace.

She bid her horse to approach Oropher a bit uncertain and he didn't turn to her when he spoke.

'What is it?'

His voice was not angered. Saida generally noticed that Oropher didn't talk to her sharply anymore unless she started to stutter and say thing without her trained resolution. So she held tightly to her request.

'I've been wondering, if I could visit my family nearby.' she said hoping he would agree, but that would mean relieving her from duty. 'They are not far, I will be back in a while or I will come back to Menegroth alone-'

'We are a team and we move together. There is no option for you to come back alone.' Oropher said and looked at her. 'Go to them, you have not seen them in a good while. We will join you shortly. After all, we need to speak with the residents of the village. You may as well get there first.'

'Thank you!' she said relieved and turned her horse on the road bidding her steed to faster and faster gallop.

The place have not changed at all. The nearby lake was wonderful as always, the smell of food and smith's forges rose all around. Elves were coming back from the lake with baskets full of fish, few elves were preparing hunted quarry for a stew or another dish. Sounds of conversations around were clear and fused with neighting horses and cracking flame. Saida rode into the small courtyard dressed in her light armor that shone polished under stars. She received her armor not long after she joined Oropher's division. Her weapons were good as new as well - her sword and daggers were reforged and she was given a new bow. When Saida dressed in all of this for the first time and looked at herself in the mirror she grinned all happy and could not believe that she became who she dreamed of being.

'Who graced us with her presence? How is you stay in the city, have they kicked you out already?'

Saida looked upon the few hunters sitting at the fireplace and taking care of their quarry. Saida recognized Caiben and beside him Forn and Raben along with few others. All of them seemed to be her childhood friends, but now Saida new that they never were. She wisely chose to ignore their smirks and didn't let them proveke her. Apparently, they were those spiteful ones that Elvedui wrote her about.

'There is a reason I am here, isn't it?' she said and didn't grace them with another glance, but bid her horse to gallop slowly towards her home. And when she was much closer she noticed her mother working the small garden with herbs they always had. She called out to her with happiness, but longing as well. 'Naneth!'

The elleth immediately straightened up hearing well known, lovely voice. Saida jumped off her horse before the steed even stopped and cought her mother in firm embrace cuddling to her arm and smelling the well known rosy scent of her hair.

'Saida! My dear, lovely daughter!' her mother cried out and kissed her head all over, holding closely and smoothering hair gathered into ponytail.

Saida looked up from her mother's arm when door to her house were pushed open and in the entrance stood tall ellon who immediately embraced both of them and Saida blindly cought him as well.

'Adar! I missed you so much!'

'Our brave daughter.' her father kissed her head and smoothered his wife's back to ease her from strong emotions. They finally let go and now held Saida a bit away to see all of her. 'Let us take a good look at you! You seem changed and yet you look all the same!'

'We could not be more proud!' her mother uphold her hunband's words. 'You look wonderful, my dearheart!'

Saida was aware that all her equipments - armor and weapons must have costed not a small amount of coins. Even her horse had new saddles, enduring and comfortable, and even a breastplate. And she didn't have to pay for any of this - the army of Doriath was entirely founded by Council.

'Let's go inside! We will speak in peace and you will tell us everything.'

As much as she would love to, Saida was aware that she was still on duty. Maybe she will manage to convience Oropher so she could speak with her parents while they were speaking to the chiefs of the village.

'I would love to, nana, but I am on duty.' Saida said and as fast as she said it, the hoofbeats on sand announced the arrival of the rest of her team.

They rode into the courtyard like a quiet storm and their appearance rose up immediate interest in the village. It was not often that a General himself appeared in the settlement and few elves already gathered to greet him and speak about the problems they faced. Faron deligently noted what they said while Taranir and Oropher provided information what Menegroth was able to assure them. Saida sent an apologetic look to her parents before she jumped on her horse and approached her General. She was beside them in time to hear Taranir's reasurance that the road would be made move passable and at least one heavy horse can be provided before summer.

Oropher looked at her when she stopped her hrose beside them.

'Saida, we will get things done here and then we will rest for a bit. Spend this time with your family.'

'Thank you.' she said with a bit of relief and then she tilted her head to the water. 'Rest by the lake. There is plently of place there.'

With those words she turned her horse to evade gathered elves with arch and then she cought a sight of Caiben and his companions. Their smirks were entirely gone and they seemed to swallow their tongues glancing from her to the rest of her team. This was a price like no other - to silence them without having to say or doing anything.

She came back to her parents and lead them inside their house. They sat down in ther living room on comforatble sofa and armchairs and Saida told them all about Menegroth, about good-hearted Seron and her first division. Then Saida told them of her hard trials, but she chose to not say all of it. She described the wide corridors of the Caves, markets and bazaars, then she told them about the place she lived in - how big the military area was, how great the army of Doriath grew. Saida didn't know how much time has passed at her talking, but when she looked outside on the lake her companions were already resting there.

Taranir got himself comfortable on the hammock and seemed to be drowsing off. By now Saida learned that Taranir was very dedicated to his duty and always had hands full of work by getting himself more matters to take care of. Sometimes even Oropher told him to get some rest and disposed other officers to make the work for Taranir. Faron and Nelledir made themselves at home at the cherry tree and picked the fruits. Faron was excellent climber and immediately found a perfect spot where the cherries were sweet. Nelledir followed Faron' lead and from time to time he threw some cherries to Orthon, who sat under this same cherry tree and watched the calm waters in front of him. Oropher and Alagos lied themselves in tall green grass that covered all of them and just as Taranir they seemed to be drowsing, eased by sounds of delicate lake waves hitting the sand.

If anything, Saida chose to always remember them like this. No matter what will ever happen.


End file.
